We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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