people are starting to question the shark bite story
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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