Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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