dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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