I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
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i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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