I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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