Your face is a jimmy john
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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