Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
