Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize