I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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