My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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