so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
