It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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