o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize