i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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