I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
