actually, I'm a sock model
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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