made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
