Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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