I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
