a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize