Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am midnight drunk by noon
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
