i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
