I cockslap morals
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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