Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
