if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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