If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
