drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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