Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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