The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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