I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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