so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
