can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
