What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
