I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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