I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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