Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.

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(443): View more from Maryland

She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.

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(503): View more from Oregon

#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex

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(416): View more from Toronto

DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS

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(727): View more from Florida

It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.

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(509): View more from Washington

Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?

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(563): View more from Iowa

i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.

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(706): View more from Georgia

We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.

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(813): View more from Florida

Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.

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