i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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