I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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