That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
