Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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