this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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