1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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