we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
