Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
