is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
