I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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