Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
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You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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