You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
