I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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