i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I had to cum in my sink.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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