Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i love accidental penises.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
