I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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