Buhtt sex?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
