You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Still dying that you shit outside
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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