Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You are the jesus of drinking
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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