You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
