maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we're so committed to being not committed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
