But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
