Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
